Which character from All Her Father's Guns are you? Find out either by taking the quiz on Facebook or via this less privacy-invasive version:

What would you ideally do on a first date?
Stare at each other for an unnervingly long time then explore the limits of perversion.
Get drunk and try not to think too much about the future.
Head down to the range to fire off some submachine guns.
Take Lexapro and listen to Sarah Palin audiobooks.

Which of these personality traits do you value most?
The capacity to accept life's essential meaninglessness.
The impulse to achieve self-knowledge.
A steady trigger finger.
Taking your medications on time.

Would you distrust a politician who shed tears in public?
Au contraire I would distrust a politician who shed tears in private.
Only if they were holding more than one Bible.
Yes, because I know from experience it's hard to shoot straight when your eyes are misty.
Yes I'd wonder, can't they afford good pharmaceuticals?

What should we do about the problem of depression?
If depression did not exist, we would have to invent it -- for most of us, it is the only contact we experience with reality.
People could become a lot happier just by reducing their expectations.
Truth is, a few hours at the shooting range is all it takes to lighten up.
Congress should declare war on depression. I'm serious it's a bigger a threat to the American way of life than terrorism.

When assessing other people, I usually --.
Charge them by the hour.
Notice how absurd they are, but feel inferior to them anyway.
Trust my gut.
Commission a report from a GOP private investigator.

An online personality test is not infallible and should under no circumstances be regarded as a substitute for --.
Multiple consecutive decades of psychoanalysis.
The occasional bedtime story.
A business plan and a well-oiled Glock 19.
Republican domination of the executive, legislative, and judiciary branches by the end of the next election cycle.

Which would you prefer, to lose all your old memories, or never to be able to make new memories?
You are making a false distinction since every memory is both a new memory and a simultaneous forgetting.
Both are definitions of death, but losing your old memories would be worse.
My goal is always to be ready to start all over again from scratch.
I don't know what you're insinuating about my past, but whatever rumors the liberal media have been feeding you are baseless and groundless.